me old(er)

at the stroke of midnight last night, my phone started beeping.  it was the sound of my facebook notification as my friends send their wishes for my birthday.  then i started thinking.... remember when those wishes were sent through short messages instead of an online social networking site?  it felt so long ago.....

i realized i've grown so much in the past year, and i realized how lucky i am to be so blessed with the people i am surrounded by.

i have great parents who've supported me no matter what my decisions were.  great younger brother, who at times act like an older brother.  great friends who've helped me through the most heartbreaking moments in my life.  great colleagues who've made me feel so welcomed wherever i was.

so as i shed my last tears at the age of 27 last night, i realized although my heart is still in pain, my life is pretty good right now.  i hope it is only the beginning of my happiness.

Before We Forget

i am scared that i will forget about our time together.  and that made me reluctant to move on. i am scared because those times together was the best years i've ever had.  i am scared that i will forget, because it seems like you have forgotten.

for the past weeks i've been collecting my thoughts and memories of our time together.  i wrote everything down, chronologically documenting the things that happened to us along the way.

i really hope one day you can read it... because really, it is for you...  because i never want you to forget that i do truly love you, with all my heart and soul.

now i can move on... secure that those memories will never be lost...

Your Lucky Charm

I believe I am your lucky charm.  If not for the superstitious reason itself then for the fact that I know I can help you grow and reach your goals faster than anyone else.

When I was with you the only thing I focused on was you.  In uni, I read articles and summarized them for you.  I helped you research for your assignments.  After work, I hurry back home to make you dinner.  I even use some of my time at the office helping you with your job.  My career was not even close to being a priority.  Not that I minded, in fact, I loved it.  I love that you rely on me.  I love that I can participate in that part of your world.  I was more than willing to be a supporter to your growth.

While I was focusing on helping you grow your career, while you were out meeting important people and learning from them, I was at home doing everything else that would make our house a home for both of us.  I was missing out on opportunities for my personal growth.  But now that you're not here, it's a different story.  I am having dinner with VP's, meeting Regional Directors, and the Country MD of a massive global company values my opinion.  Looking at the situation, you're the one who's missing out.

I am the only one who would sacrifice my own progression to help you grow.  Without me you're just a scambling of thoughts with no direction and never would be even half as successful as you could ever be.

You used to say we make a great team.  Too bad you've lost a crucial part of that team, me, the person who believes in you the most.

2010 Mother's Day

With all that's said about Mother's Day, my mind kept thinking about your mother.  Despite the fact that I've never met her before, I feel sad for her that she has a son who is such a disappointment.

some of the things i don't have the guts to say out loud

- get out of my house!!
- your daughter is starting to look like your boyfriend's daughter that he has with his current wife
- i still love you and would take you back in a heartbeat
- your wife is cheating on you
- i look forward to the day that you fail to get what you want

this is MY place, dammit!

I think I have very high tolerance level.  For sure, I am an easy person to live with.  But these couple of days I've had to live with my mom's friend and OH.MY.GAWD!  I can't stand it.  The first night I came back to my place, it doesn't feel like my place anymore.  There are things scattered EVERYWHERE, the kitchen is a mess, and there are ants all over the counter.  I feel like crying/screaming but I can't. ARRRRGG

AND, she broke my glass! ok.. so it's a free one from mcdonald's but it was still my glass!! Luckily it wasn't my lovely Raffles hotel mug - which, by the way, she used as a coffee mug/rubbish cup. ARRRRRGGGGG

I wanna cry out in frustration... I don't even know how long she's staying.

HUR~ I gotta go hide my mug.....