Your Lucky Charm

I believe I am your lucky charm.  If not for the superstitious reason itself then for the fact that I know I can help you grow and reach your goals faster than anyone else.

When I was with you the only thing I focused on was you.  In uni, I read articles and summarized them for you.  I helped you research for your assignments.  After work, I hurry back home to make you dinner.  I even use some of my time at the office helping you with your job.  My career was not even close to being a priority.  Not that I minded, in fact, I loved it.  I love that you rely on me.  I love that I can participate in that part of your world.  I was more than willing to be a supporter to your growth.

While I was focusing on helping you grow your career, while you were out meeting important people and learning from them, I was at home doing everything else that would make our house a home for both of us.  I was missing out on opportunities for my personal growth.  But now that you're not here, it's a different story.  I am having dinner with VP's, meeting Regional Directors, and the Country MD of a massive global company values my opinion.  Looking at the situation, you're the one who's missing out.

I am the only one who would sacrifice my own progression to help you grow.  Without me you're just a scambling of thoughts with no direction and never would be even half as successful as you could ever be.

You used to say we make a great team.  Too bad you've lost a crucial part of that team, me, the person who believes in you the most.

2010 Mother's Day

With all that's said about Mother's Day, my mind kept thinking about your mother.  Despite the fact that I've never met her before, I feel sad for her that she has a son who is such a disappointment.

some of the things i don't have the guts to say out loud

- get out of my house!!
- your daughter is starting to look like your boyfriend's daughter that he has with his current wife
- i still love you and would take you back in a heartbeat
- your wife is cheating on you
- i look forward to the day that you fail to get what you want

this is MY place, dammit!

I think I have very high tolerance level.  For sure, I am an easy person to live with.  But these couple of days I've had to live with my mom's friend and OH.MY.GAWD!  I can't stand it.  The first night I came back to my place, it doesn't feel like my place anymore.  There are things scattered EVERYWHERE, the kitchen is a mess, and there are ants all over the counter.  I feel like crying/screaming but I can't. ARRRRGG

AND, she broke my glass! ok.. so it's a free one from mcdonald's but it was still my glass!! Luckily it wasn't my lovely Raffles hotel mug - which, by the way, she used as a coffee mug/rubbish cup. ARRRRRGGGGG

I wanna cry out in frustration... I don't even know how long she's staying.

HUR~ I gotta go hide my mug.....

you III

i thought i would be ok by now but a simple image still acts like a knife through my heart. it happened and there's nothing anyone can do to reverse it now. at the end of the day, it's still me who's left with the loneliness and pain. at the end of the day, my feelings for you haven't changed.

does she bite apples into bite-size pieces for you?
does she rush home to cook for you everyday?
does she take care of you when you get sick?
does she wake up at 2 in the morning to make you ramen?
does she love you as much as i do?

i thought i've cried out all my tears.....

you II

i actually miss how you always need to have a bottle of water next to the bed every night.

remember one time we had quite a lengthy argument about that?  you insisted that i get up to get the bottle of water for you, and i insisted that you should do it yourself because i'm already tugged under the blanket.  i said you should go get it yourself so i can sleep and that would make me happy.  then you said that if i got up and get the water, you would have stopped bugging me and we both would be happy.  you were really stubborn! in the end i got up to get you the bottle of water.

if i had to do it again, i wouldn't have wasted the time arguing.  i would have gotten up, got you the bottle of water, and spend all night holding you close to me.