miserable

it's christmas and new year time and i am in no mood to be happy or to celebrate anything.  although there are people around, and i get to spend time with doggy, i can't seem to be happy.  i miss teeruk so much that i want time to travel quadruple the speed it normally does.

i like to feel that i'm needed... somehow... and now that we're not living together and hardly ever talk, i feel that he doesn't need me anymore.  that his life is fine without me and that i'm the only one being miserable from missing him so much.  and i can't even tell him that i'm miserable.  i have to support what he wants to do and keep hoping that the love that we have built is strong enough to withstand the time and that his feelings for me will not change.

it's just so hard having to change from being together all the time to not knowing when i will get to talk or to see him again.

most nights i cry myself to sleep..... and he has no idea.