emotionally charged silence

there are so many things that i wanted to say during that 5 seconds of silence.  i know there are words that you wanted to say too, but it's not the right time for you to express them yet.  even so, i can feel their embrace... thank you.

lessons from bubble tea

i've been depressed for quite sometime.  i just hate not knowing what is going to happen next and right now the only person who can give me some sort of answer is not available.  i haven't been able to eat properly and my emotions have caused me to be physically ill.

i went out to get something to eat today and i wanted to have green tea from the bubble tea place without the pearls.  i didn't have the energy to tell the lady - no pearls, so she put them in anyway.  turns out having the pearls in there made a bit of a difference.  it added a bit more sweetness to the drink.

maybe if i just let things happen at it's own time, things will get better.  maybe all i had to do is just wait and not rush things so much, take it as it comes.

it's hard for me to live without knowing what is going to happen but maybe, just maybe, there's still a chance for me to be happy again.

Jan 1, 2010

life can be pretty miserable when you've found the right person at the wrong time

miserable

it's christmas and new year time and i am in no mood to be happy or to celebrate anything.  although there are people around, and i get to spend time with doggy, i can't seem to be happy.  i miss teeruk so much that i want time to travel quadruple the speed it normally does.

i like to feel that i'm needed... somehow... and now that we're not living together and hardly ever talk, i feel that he doesn't need me anymore.  that his life is fine without me and that i'm the only one being miserable from missing him so much.  and i can't even tell him that i'm miserable.  i have to support what he wants to do and keep hoping that the love that we have built is strong enough to withstand the time and that his feelings for me will not change.

it's just so hard having to change from being together all the time to not knowing when i will get to talk or to see him again.

most nights i cry myself to sleep..... and he has no idea.

mixed feelings

tonight is the last night i'm spending at the sail @ marina bay - our home for the past year.  i am happy to be moving out because it means a step closer to you.  but i am also sad.  i've never done well with good byes - even if it's to a concrete block.

incomplete

ever since you relocated for work, i've been sad everyday.  i don't understand myself.  why is it so hard to be apart from you?  i try to be strong but i often breakdown when i realize that you won't be walking through that front door anymore.

i know it's something that you have to do.  i know it's not the right time.  but you have no idea how hard it is for me to not know when i'll get to see you, or when i'll hear your voice again.

i feel so pathetic being weak, i don't want to be weak.  but i miss you so much.  i miss hearing your voice.  i miss seeing your face everyday.  i miss your hugs and kisses.

i'll try my best to be strong and i wish you all the best in accomplishing your goals and be the person you want to be.

i'll wait for you ok.  please come home soon.