it's been a while

it's been a long while since my last blog post.  the main reason is because i was getting over a heartbreak.  the biggest betrayal and pain i have ever felt.  i lost the person i love the most and even though he's done horrible things i still do love him and believe in him with all my heart.  that's why it still hurts.


anyway, i shouldn't dwell on it.  life goes on, no matter how difficult it feels at times.


well... that's it... for now

emotionally charged silence

there are so many things that i wanted to say during that 5 seconds of silence.  i know there are words that you wanted to say too, but it's not the right time for you to express them yet.  even so, i can feel their embrace... thank you.

lessons from bubble tea

i've been depressed for quite sometime.  i just hate not knowing what is going to happen next and right now the only person who can give me some sort of answer is not available.  i haven't been able to eat properly and my emotions have caused me to be physically ill.

i went out to get something to eat today and i wanted to have green tea from the bubble tea place without the pearls.  i didn't have the energy to tell the lady - no pearls, so she put them in anyway.  turns out having the pearls in there made a bit of a difference.  it added a bit more sweetness to the drink.

maybe if i just let things happen at it's own time, things will get better.  maybe all i had to do is just wait and not rush things so much, take it as it comes.

it's hard for me to live without knowing what is going to happen but maybe, just maybe, there's still a chance for me to be happy again.

miserable

it's christmas and new year time and i am in no mood to be happy or to celebrate anything.  although there are people around, and i get to spend time with doggy, i can't seem to be happy.  i miss teeruk so much that i want time to travel quadruple the speed it normally does.

i like to feel that i'm needed... somehow... and now that we're not living together and hardly ever talk, i feel that he doesn't need me anymore.  that his life is fine without me and that i'm the only one being miserable from missing him so much.  and i can't even tell him that i'm miserable.  i have to support what he wants to do and keep hoping that the love that we have built is strong enough to withstand the time and that his feelings for me will not change.

it's just so hard having to change from being together all the time to not knowing when i will get to talk or to see him again.

most nights i cry myself to sleep..... and he has no idea.

mixed feelings

tonight is the last night i'm spending at the sail @ marina bay - our home for the past year.  i am happy to be moving out because it means a step closer to you.  but i am also sad.  i've never done well with good byes - even if it's to a concrete block.

incomplete

ever since you relocated for work, i've been sad everyday.  i don't understand myself.  why is it so hard to be apart from you?  i try to be strong but i often breakdown when i realize that you won't be walking through that front door anymore.

i know it's something that you have to do.  i know it's not the right time.  but you have no idea how hard it is for me to not know when i'll get to see you, or when i'll hear your voice again.

i feel so pathetic being weak, i don't want to be weak.  but i miss you so much.  i miss hearing your voice.  i miss seeing your face everyday.  i miss your hugs and kisses.

i'll try my best to be strong and i wish you all the best in accomplishing your goals and be the person you want to be.

i'll wait for you ok.  please come home soon.

If I can tweet on BKK-SIN flight Nov.6th, 2009

• I think the plane will be on its wheel all the way to Singapore
• The screen is showing the wrong info, hope the pilot remembers the destination
• Ooh... fish ball green curry...
• Ooh oh... the cabinet in the toilet is held together by masking tape
• At least the service on this flight is much better than SIN-BKK flight
• My hand sanitizer splattered when I opened it -_-

If I can tweet on SIN-BKK flight Nov.4th, 2009

• It's about to take off and I have to use the toilet... URGENTLY!!! >.<
• This flight have no TV
• I wish I can tweet on the plane
• Is it just me, or had TG inflight service dropped dramatically?
• Don't take my coke!!
• I think the guy next to me wants to use the toilet but is blocked by me and my food tray
• Tweeting is like talking to yourself
• Gonna try to sleep now
• Do you put a full-stop "." when you finish typing your tweet?

Lost

At the walkway towards the train station, there was an old man leaning against the wall, looking lost.  He was standing in a light yellow coloured puddle of water.  I'm not sure if it's his own urine or not but speculated that it's not since his khaki long pants were not wet.  He looked weak and alone.  Everyone gave him a once over but no one stop to ask him if he needed assistance.

His wrinkled thin face and facial expression made him looked so lost and abandoned.

As I walked further away from him, I imagine what it would be like if that old man was my father.  But more importantly, why didn't I stop to help?

my baby - the doggy

i miss doggy. he's currently been relocated to chiang mai where my parents are helping me taking care of him for a while. i miss him so much!!! i can't believe i've become so attached to a dog. but he's like.. my baby :(

at least he looks happy.. lots of space to run around

am i wrong?

am i wrong to want to be stable? am i wrong to want to start a happy family? am i wrong to want to settle down instead of having to wonder where i will end up? am i wrong to want to start planning the future without having any doubts in my mind? am i wrong to want to know what the future holds for us?

it feels like i'm back in the beginning when nothing is certain... i'm still wondering if anything will ever be certain

Educational System

I recently attended my company induction(after 5 months of working here) and through one of the presentations, somehow the presenter ended up talking about the education system.

He said that American education system tends to teach you the broader view, while British education system is more specialized. Hence, people who've studied under the British system all their life would potentially have a more specialized skill.

I've studied under British system during my high school years, AND American system during my bachelor degree... BUT... I was also under the Thai education system during my primary school years, PLUS Australian system during master's degree...

SO.... what does that make me???

A perpetually confused individual O_O

cute doggy

doggy was soooo adorable when he was young... not that he's not cute now, but when he was a puppy, i just want to squeeze him and hug him all the time.

as i wasn't very good with the tricks and all, my role is to watch and learn, and vdo tape the cute moments.  then i remember, i have one of the most cutest (and funniest) clip of doggy when he was young... and greedy... and clumsy... all at the same time. 

cuuuuuuuuuteeee >.<

nose

the dog is annoying. he jumps at me, he scratches me, and he rarely listens to me. but even though he's annoying most of the time, imagining life without him is a bit sad. in fact, when we had to move here and he had to stay in a boarding kennel for a couple of weeks before the flight, i actually felt like crying seeing the guy carry him away in his crate. i mean.. he's so cuuuuuuute.

i've never had a dog before, and i don't know the right way to teach him tricks or taking care of him, so i lured him to do tricks with the only thing he really like.... food! anyway, after many weeks and months of luring him with boiled soba noodles, i taught him 'nose'. he jumps up and touches his nose to your nose. he misses sometimes and hit your eye, or your cheek instead, but once he calms down, he gently touches his nose to yours. awwwwwwwwww

isn't he cuuuuuute??? i'm so proud of myself and felt that no other dog can do it (even if they can, they're not as cute as my doggy)

by the way, that's not me in the vdo, that's my male stunt-double :D

Earth Hour 2009

Just so you all know, I did participate in Earth Hour this year.

How?  by using someone else's lights.

I just wanted to see the city during the black out, so I went up on the lounge floor.  With the vantage point, I get to see the area pretty clearly, which included some of the tourist spots in the city.  I guess it was pretty great... although I would have thought they would turn off the lights in the lounge, but they didn't.  Good in a way, cuz I can read my book while waiting for the lights to come back on.

colors colors colors

this is what i see on my work table

my new toy: the pantone guide!!

my blue bottle

one of the things i look forward to when i go to work is this blue bottle

it's a bit sad isn't it? i don't know what it is, but i just want to fill it with water and carry it wherever i go. 

misses

so here are the things i miss (not in any particular order)

- sydney

- friends in sydney (you know who you are.. )

- pyrmont

- darling harbour

- pancakes on the rocks

- fishing

- monorail

- paul's place (it's actually a chinese restaurant near UNSW that i don't remember the name of)

- easy way tea

- star city

- the beaches

- playing uno for a free meal

- the cliffs 

- going for a drive

there are so many more things that i miss but i can't remember

i know i miss my tofu... :( 

even though he's only at work, but i miss him....

all i wanted was peanut butter

i spent the day being bored out of my mind and while watching an episode of "The Nanny", i suddenly have a craving for peanut butter sandwiches.  so that's what i did at precisely 8pm today... i ventured out to find peanut butter.

i guess i could have gone to the nearest 7/11 and see if they have peanut butter, but as i've spent the whole day at home, i need fresh air.  so i went for a walk... 

after finding peanut butter about an hour later, i realized that 

1.) i'm tired

2.) i'm thirsty

3.) i'm a bit further from home than i expected

4.) i have no idea which direction to continue walking, and

5.) i forgot to bring my train ticket so i couldn't (or wouldn't) take the train back.

so... after a stop over at starbucks, i started finding my way back with the help of signs on top of high-rise buildings - because i don't remember the street names....

while wandering around the city, taking random turns at buildings that look familiar, i realized that i wasn't worried that i was lost.  in fact, i was quite thrilled.  it's a bit exciting to be lost - mind you, if i were to be lost in a deserted area i would freak, but i was lost in a city filled with skyscrapers so it was amusing.

anyway, what started out as a quick trip to get peanut butter turned out to be a very fulfilling 2 hour walk around the city.

hmmm... maybe i should get out more....