New Year 2011

My year began with the lost of the love of my life.

It was the most heartbreaking, physically torturous, emotionally scarring, psychologically damaging event that ever happened in my life.  I still remember how difficult it was to breath while it feels as if my heart is slowly tearing apart.  As time passed, the pain still remains, but so is the love.

Now, as the clock continues to move towards the new year, all I want is to treasure the love and forget the rest.  At the stroke of midnight, I will only think of the love we shared, the genuine happiness I felt through out the year, and hope that this is only the beginning.

Happy New Year!

The Art Of Letting Go

... is something I need to learn to master.

"Letting go doesn't mean you stop caring, it means you stop expecting the other person to"

I admit I still can't let it go.  I still want him to care.  I would also admit though, that it doesn't mean I'm unhappy all the time.  There are moments in my life when I look around me and feel grateful for everything in my life.  At the very least, I don't have to hide who I really am.  I don't have to live a lie.

There's still a missing piece in my heart that only he can complete, but right now, I am exactly where I'm supposed to be.  If I were to end up not having that piece that completes my heart, my life would still be fine... because I put my best in everything that I do.  When it comes to that, I have no regrets.

Am I Stupid?

All the education in the world will never be enough to prepare you for a heartbreak.  Actually, scratch that.

All the education in the world will never be enough to prepare you for how painful it is to love someone.

Heartbreaks can be so much easier to deal with if you hate the person, or at least know how to stop loving them.  Love is the biggest and hardest emotional hurdle to get over.

Despite what everyone says, despite it being smack right in front of me, my heart seemed to shut itself from the obvious.  Granted, there are some moments when I start to dislike you.  But at the end of the day I still love you.  At times I'm happy to know that you're still alive.  At other times I hate knowing that you are still alive but you're not beside me.

I don't think it's stupid that I still want to be beside you to support you through your successes and failures.  But I am obviously stupid for thinking that there is even a tiny chance that can ever happen.

Brain Matters

if i tend to get aches and pains on the left side of my body, does it mean that my LEFT BRAIN is heavier than the right - therefore, causing the aches and pains on the left side, or does it mean that my RIGHT BRAIN is working on overdrive, since the right brain controls functions on the left side of the body?

..... does that make sense to anyone?

me old(er)

at the stroke of midnight last night, my phone started beeping.  it was the sound of my facebook notification as my friends send their wishes for my birthday.  then i started thinking.... remember when those wishes were sent through short messages instead of an online social networking site?  it felt so long ago.....

i realized i've grown so much in the past year, and i realized how lucky i am to be so blessed with the people i am surrounded by.

i have great parents who've supported me no matter what my decisions were.  great younger brother, who at times act like an older brother.  great friends who've helped me through the most heartbreaking moments in my life.  great colleagues who've made me feel so welcomed wherever i was.

so as i shed my last tears at the age of 27 last night, i realized although my heart is still in pain, my life is pretty good right now.  i hope it is only the beginning of my happiness.

Before We Forget

i am scared that i will forget about our time together.  and that made me reluctant to move on. i am scared because those times together was the best years i've ever had.  i am scared that i will forget, because it seems like you have forgotten.

for the past weeks i've been collecting my thoughts and memories of our time together.  i wrote everything down, chronologically documenting the things that happened to us along the way.

i really hope one day you can read it... because really, it is for you...  because i never want you to forget that i do truly love you, with all my heart and soul.

now i can move on... secure that those memories will never be lost...